In 30 years of doing rescue, I have taken on some hard challenges... Despite being a 'witch' without the 'w', I have a very soft heart for those who most need my help... I have learned to pick my battles in the hope of winning the war, and I have become to doubt my ability of saving this little teeny tiny dog...
If I am to be gone for more than 2 hours, she must come with me so I can be assured she does not crash without me around... She's crashed three times now and a few near misses... She HATES the Nutrical and goes on spurts about what she will eat for me and won't... I work diligently at balancing the sugars with the proteins, and yet?... There are times she looks up at me, almost in sadness about what I am trying to do in order to save her life...
I approach her 'crib' with a heavy heart each time, not knowing if she is going to be alive or dead... I immediately rejoice in her life as my heart slows down from its racing and when I see her start becoming lethargic, the blood pressure must be rising inside of me...
Crashes are scary, scary things... Her eyes roll back, you can tell she is out of focus... The body becomes limp and at times, I have just BARELY felt a heart beat... I'm massaging her to warm her up and/or keep the core temp high as I am syringing Nutrical and baby food into her mouth (and she has some pretty sharp teeth in there!)... I coo to her... I push her to fight for life... And when it is all over with, she and I relax with a deep feeling of being just so, so tired...
Health issues aside, this is a teeny, teeny dog... I worry if the internal organs are developing properly along with the persona and motor skills... At times, she pops around her crib like a grasshopper - it is a short hopping session, but I get just SO happy to be able to witnesses these session... Momma Vienna seems to worry as much as I do, and at times I feel she's too rough with Paris, so I fuss at her too!
This is all emotionally draining and yet? I don't think Paris (for the most part) wants to give up, so I owe her that... She's not been able to play with her sister, Berlin, for quite some time... Berlin is just too big at twice her size and energy levels... So I've become Paris' "playmate" as well (or at least my hand has!)... About the only thing Paris can play with comfortably is cat toys...
Will she develop into a healthy dog (physically, emotionally and mentally)?... That is my constant thought process all the time...
Paris is still alive and we're still taking it one hour at a time. Her two siblings (Oslo and Dublin) started going downhill fast yesterday and I immediately put those two on the same schedule as Paris.
I lost Dublin about 5:30AM this morning after a massive seizure. I had to leave and take Jazzy to WLVAH at 7AM, and so Desiree was checking on Oslo at about 8:15AM this morning and while we were on the phone, he passed away on her.
It has been a very long and tiring week... sigh...
Paris is hypoglycemic and needs to eat every hour or so... If not, she'll relapse quickly into the state I found her in on Saturday morning... And must be forced to eat every 1-2 hours around the clock as well... It is going to be a LONG couple of weeks (?)... Prognosis? Depending on who you talk to, some say she can grow out of this - others say she'll be dealing with this the rest of her life...
These are the times I question what I do as a passion... At what point does the quality of life suffer to the point it becomes the rescuer's unwillingness to let a dog or puppy go?... Or humanely euthanize them?... Is it fair to them or others dying in the shelter for me to put so much energy and effort into this one dog when hundreds are dying every day???... These are points the 'committee in my head' struggle with numerous times as I travel on the journey of rescue...
It is not the money (although large vet bills can play a factor), nor the time nor the energy... It is all of this (or some of this) that can be used to save other dogs and puppies, because so many come into the shelters, we will never EVER be able to become a no kill nation unless 70% of the general population are going into shelters and adopting animals that have been thrown away... And I don't see that happening any time soon - not at least in my lifetime...
Sigh... So now what do I do with tiny Paris?... Do we continue to wage this war against death, an unusual small size (and all of the health issues that brings to the table) and hope for the best???
Friday afternoon I noticed that Paris was just 'off her feed' for some reason... Normally she is the first one out to the food bowl when I set it down... I tried all kinds of enticing things to get her to eat, but by the end of Friday evening, Paris had only eaten just a little bit (in total) throughout the day...
Early Saturday morning, I went into their Xpen to clean up and feed - three puppies came bouncing out and then Vienna, but no Paris... I looked inside their 'den' and at first glance I thought Paris had passed away in the middle of the night... I lifted her up out of the blankets and her body was completely limp in my hand...
I feel for a heart beat and have one - scream for Desiree and tell her to grab her keys, run, don't walk, head off to Dr. Slaton's office at WLVAH NOW~!!! As I'm grabbing the phone to alert them Desiree and Paris are on their way, my heart has sunk to the pit of my stomach, kicking myself... Asking myself what did I miss? I'd pumped up her nutritional needs from the start - did I over do it? Did my concern for her smaller than small size cloud my judgment and I missed something obvious?
I continued to check on Paris throughout the day via phone and all they can tell me is that they have her on IV fluids at this point, but she is still alive...
Mom is a great mom - keeping an eye on her entire crew - between the four of them, they manage to keep the entire Xpen a hopping... (smile)... When not be-bopping around, Vienna tends to stay almost side-by-side with Paris and I am wondering if she senses there is also something wrong with Paris?
Not that Paris needs protecting, because she is just as apt to take on her middle sisters as she is Berlin!
