And so it goes...

In 30 years of doing rescue, I have taken on some hard challenges... Despite being a 'witch' without the 'w', I have a very soft heart for those who most need my help... I have learned to pick my battles in the hope of winning the war, and I have become to doubt my ability of saving this little teeny tiny dog... 

If I am to be gone for more than 2 hours, she must come with me so I can be assured she does not crash without me around... She's crashed three times now and a few near misses... She HATES the Nutrical and goes on spurts about what she will eat for me and won't... I work diligently at balancing the sugars with the proteins, and yet?... There are times she looks up at me, almost in sadness about what I am trying to do in order to save her life... 

I approach her 'crib' with a heavy heart each time, not knowing if she is going to be alive or dead... I immediately rejoice in her life as my heart slows down from its racing and when I see her start becoming lethargic, the blood pressure must be rising inside of me... 

Crashes are scary, scary things... Her eyes roll back, you can tell she is out of focus... The body becomes limp and at times, I have just BARELY felt a heart beat... I'm massaging her to warm her up and/or keep the core temp high as I am syringing Nutrical and baby food into her mouth (and she has some pretty sharp teeth in there!)... I coo to her... I push her to fight for life... And when it is all over with, she and I relax with a deep feeling of being just so, so tired... 

Health issues aside, this is a teeny, teeny dog...  I worry if the internal organs are developing properly along with the persona and motor skills... At times, she pops around her crib like a grasshopper - it is a short hopping session, but I get just SO happy to be able to witnesses these session... Momma Vienna seems to worry as much as I do, and at times I feel she's too rough with Paris, so I fuss at her too!

This is all emotionally draining and yet?  I don't think Paris (for the most part) wants to give up, so I owe her that... She's not been able to play with her sister, Berlin, for quite some time... Berlin is just too big at twice her size and energy levels... So I've become Paris' "playmate" as well (or at least my hand has!)... About the only thing Paris can play with comfortably is cat toys... 

Will she develop into a healthy dog (physically, emotionally and mentally)?... That is my constant thought process all the time...